The Struggle Is Real!
Well I haven't been Able to blog for a while, sometimes life does get in the way. So a quick update on where I am with life up to now.
We've enjoyed our first family holiday to Cornwall which was just perfect. The weather was beautiful and Newquay never fails to impress. We really are so fortunate to live in the south west as Cornwall is only about a hour from us. Ivy experienced the beach for the first time and loved her little life, even if this did mean she ate most of the sand on the beach - rank!. My mother in law joined us for a few days as well which was just lovely for all of us, and seeing her with Ivy absolutely melts my heart, Ivy loves her Nana J. Of course with going on holiday there is usually lovely foods involved and it would be an offence to not part take in getting a pasty down my neck in Cornwall and an ice cream so obviously I indulged!
I've been "out of the zone" weight loss wise for a while, i've just been struggling with slimming world and the whole "syns" you can't eat this that and whatever else malarky. Its a brilliant plan it does work however I felt that it was affecting my attitude towards food and mentally I wasn't coping with it. I don't want to feel like I cannot eat something incase I gain weight or I can't go out for a meal and be "on plan" as such. Im a vegetarian so your very limited when it comes to eating out, most things include cheese or a falafel and this equates to quite high syn values occasionally. I have however been calorie counting using my fitness pal and going running and training with Kyle still. This keeps me on track and in check as its SO easy to over eat and not realise how many calories your consuming.
I just feel like I needed to take a overlook of what I do have going on, I'm back at work, were going to be moving house again soon, Ivy obviously needs my time and care and sometimes making meals from complete scratch just doesn't happen and I don't want to feel guilty because my lifestyle doesn't suit a certain plan. Don't get me wrong we don't eat processed foods often but sometimes its just nice to grab something from the freezer and bung it in the oven. Since stopping slimming world I feel less anxious, my head doesn't feel fuzzy and I'm a lot more relaxed generally. I do think our holiday helped somewhat but so has being in control of what I'm eating and making good choices. This has made a massive difference.
When you have been overweight most of your life I do believe your attitude to food is different as to someone who hasn't really struggled with there weight. In my personal experience this relationship with food does stem from a young age.
Changing your mind set to better your eating habits and curb the cravings for crap food is a struggle everyone is likely to experience. Especially the craving to binge of course. But if you've always just eaten whatever and never really made much effort to get your heart pumping its a big thing and very daunting taking the leap to review your current eating habits and starting that life change to start looking at nutrition and training. I think the reason most people feel like this is because they are scared of failing, and the thought process of "I cannot do this" and you've pretty much already talked yourself out of it before you've even set eyes on a apple rather then a mars bar. Your head has to be in the game its not something you can do half heartedly and again you don't want to feel under pressure either, it has to be enjoyable. So for now I will continue doing my own little thing. Its working so far, I feel relaxed, in control and like I can actually breathe again (sounds so dramatic!).
In my previous blogs I did say that I can't seem to loose weight without certain structure, however... Really thinking about it, it wasn't the case I couldn't loose weight, it was more the fact I was scared incase I failed without following a "plan". We are creatures of habit and generally when wanting to do something such as loosing weight we automatically seek a "diet". as this is structured. Again this is the wrong mind set for me, I had to get it into my head this was a long term thing and If I wanted to live a happy and healthy lifestyle I needed to make changes for the long haul.
I know from where I was previously that I now make better food choices on a daily basis, mainly because I don't want to be the fat mum in the playground that can't play with her little girl because she gets too out of breath. But we all have days where we slip up, or are a bit slack because we can't be assed and quite frankly and thats just life. On my journey so far I have found learning to not be so harsh on yourself helps, once again because the only person who is putting pressure on yourself is YOU.
Nobody can drop 10 stone over night not even with a massive huge turd it just doest happen, it is a long term thing and that is how it is.
To say I'm in a good head space right now would hit the nail on the head. This for me is one of the most important things because if being a working parent isn't hard enough keeping on top of the house work, the ever mounting pile of washing, the lack of sleep and the continual daily paddy's, loosing weight just adds to that endless list of things that cause you to loose your shit.
So for now I'm going to trawl through Pinterest and look at houses I cannot afford and could only dream of living in - we can all hope and pray hey!
Sorry for the absolute ramble of crap here, hopefully it doesn't bore the life out of you!.
Mrs E x
